


Grocery Stores Are Not For Canoodling

by groundedreamer



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Awkward Flirting, Flirting, Fluff, Humor, M/M, first time meetings, grocery store au, is that even a thing, iwa has bad luck with couples
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 09:28:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5863870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/groundedreamer/pseuds/groundedreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hajime almost retched. He didn't know why he was always graced with the view of blissfully happy couples. They were everywhere, he knew. The world was practically infested. But what he was unclear on was how they always managed to renew their love for one another in front of <i>him</i>, while he was in <i>line</i>, in a <i>public place.</i>  </p><p> <br/>Or Hajime always gets stuck in lines behind annoying couples and Tooru tries to help (sort of).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grocery Stores Are Not For Canoodling

**Author's Note:**

> The bus story is true, sadly. I always seem to end up standing right behind annoying couples in lines. And I thought it'd be funny to put Iwa in the same situation and we are very similar so we'd probably bitch about it in the same way. 
> 
> Also, I realized my other iwaoi fic has the same idea going? I guess I really like them being dumb and embarrassing in public and then getting called out for it...
> 
> Also, it's 3 in the morning so peaceeeee
> 
> Enjoy!

_Are you fucking kidding me?! Again??_

Hajime rolled his eyes and took two small, but deliberate steps back. Or at least as much as he could back up while squeezed like a sardine in the grocery store checkout line. He exhaled sharply through his nose and pulled out his phone. Hopefully something would distract him from the gratuitous display in front of him.

“You didn't even listen to the rest of my story,” a short (almost comically short) young woman whined, latching onto a man's arm and pulling playfully. Her face was tilted up to his and she was on her tip-toes. A mischievous expression passed through her features, which was also reflected on the taller man's face. She nudged him gently with her body and managed to almost disappear into his bulky jacket. He pushed her away gently and they both laughed. 

Hajime almost retched. He didn't know why he was always graced with the view of blissfully happy couples. They were everywhere, he knew. The world was practically infested. But what he was unclear on was how they always managed to renew their love for one another in front of _him_ , while he was in _line_ , in a _public place_. 

Hajime shuddered when he recalled the last experience he was subjected to. All he has been trying to do was go home, for crying out loud. But unspeakable things had been happening to someone’s dick in the seat behind him. The couple had decided that they needed to display their fondness for public sex at that moment on a bus crowded with thirty people and little to no room to breathe. Needless to say, Hajime had been ready to throw the couple off the bus (or maybe throw himself under the bus). 

There had been more incidents, lest someone think he's just a crabby old man who hated love. (He is, but still) Love was fine, couples were fine, pda was _fine_. What wasn't fine was Hajime’s propensity for getting stuck behind couples who needed to be all over each other. 

He typed a quick message in the group chat:

_I don't know why I'm always stuck behind obnoxious couples in line_

Almost immediately, someone responded:

 _Sucks to suck, Hajime._

Hajime snorted, unsurprised. Trust Takahiro for no sympathy. 

_Fuck you_ , he typed easily and smiled when a barrage of emojis popped up a second later. 

“They're kind of annoying, huh?” 

Hajime jumped at the voice behind him. He turned to look at the person who spoke to him. The chat message was still easily visible in his hands. A young man about his age was looking at him with his eyebrows raised. He gestured towards the couple in front of Hajime with his chin and looked back at him. 

“Oh, yeah, they are.” Hajime said. He gave the man a once-over. He was tall and wearing a stylish brown peacoat that matched his hair. He looked overly fancy for someone stopping by at their local grocery store. His shopping basket was also primarily full of milkbread and cereal. The man brushed some of his unruly hair from his eyes. 

“Well,” he said, standing on his tiptoes and putting a hand over his eyes like a man in a hot desert to look at the line stretching in front of them. “It looks like we'll be here for a while. What do you say we give them a run for their money?” His brown eyes twinkled and he looked at Hajime with an easy, teasing smile. Hajime had half a mind to turn back around and pretend he was on his phone. What kind of weirdo asked someone that anyway? Hajime was about to say _No thanks, my mom doesn't let me speak to strangers_ , when the couple in front of him laughed obnoxiously loud. Hajime's eye twitched. 

“Yeah, why not. Let's do it.” 

“Excellent.” The man clapped his hands together in excitement and leaned towards Hajime. His red plastic basket nudged Hajime in the stomach and Hajime caught a whiff of some expensive cologne. “Okay, here's what we do. We gotta pretend we're totally in love and be super gross and loud. And then we have to get in a fight because of something and then you have to apologize and sweep me off my feet with a romancey, gooey speech.” 

“Wait, why am I the one apologizing?” Hajime asked incredulously, suddenly paying attention to the man's words instead of looking at his weirdly symmetrical face. The man flapped his hands and shushed him.

“Shhh, you're starting too early.” 

“Oh my god.” All thoughts of perfect skin, almond-brown eyes, and refreshing mint stopped when Hajime saw the clearly over-excited glint in the man's eyes. 

“How should we start?” The man’s eager grin was brilliant and his pink lips stretched generously across his teeth. They seemed soft. He probably used chapstick all the time. 

“I don't even know your name,” Hajime mumbled, slightly embarrassed that he was wondering what brand of chapstick the man used. 

“Oh, my name’s Oikawa Tooru. What's yours?” Oikawa now had his hand cupped around his mouth, probably so no one else could hear them. It was cute, Hajime thought.

“Iwaizumi Hajime."

“Oh okay, so…” Oikawa put his finger to his lip, his eyebrows furrowed. His eyes flicked from the person in front of them, thinking, and then settled back on Hajime. He suddenly brightened. “I can call you Iwa-chan!” 

_Oh hell no._

“And you can call me—” 

_“Trashkawa.”_

Oikawa's face froze and he looked dumbfounded for a second. Then he grinned that same excited grin from earlier. Suddenly, he straightened up and gasped. “Iwa-chan, how could you? I gave you such a nice nickname and you have the guts to just _reject_ me like that?” Oikawa said this at full-volume, drawing the attention of all the shoppers around him (including the obnoxious couple). His hands were on his hips and he looked at Hajime with bright eyes. His expression was righteously indignant, but Hajime saw laughter deep in his eyes and the twitch of his mouth. Hajime responded to him almost instantly. There was no way he was going to let something like that pass. 

“I should have rejected you the minute you talked to me,” he replied without missing a beat. Hajime straightened up to match Oikawa’s height, but was disappointed to find that the other man was marginally taller than him. Hajime tilted his chin up.

“So rude, Iwa-chan. I am too good to you.” 

“If you were better to me, you'd leave me alone.” Hajime rolled his eyes at Oikawa's scandalized expression and turned to face the front of the line. The unfortunate couple was still standing in front of him and looking at him with amused expressions. He did his best to ignore them and the giddy feeling inside of him.

“Iwa-chan!” A warm weight hit Hajime’s back and Oikawa draped himself over Hajime and put his chin on his shoulder. Hajime let out a startled noise when Oikawa wound his arms around him, holding him securely. He couldn't see his face, but he's sure Oikawa must be pouting spectacularly because the woman two people in front of him gives Hajime a disapproving look. Hajime tries to convey to her that he is the actual victim in the situation but grimaced before he fully completed his expression. Oikawa was talking again. “I couldn't leave you! I'm the only person who loves you. Everyone else is scared of your brutish face.” 

Hajime moved so quickly that he had Oikawa in a headlock before the other man knew what was happening. He held his hand to Oikawa's hair threateningly. He just had a feeling that it was a good spot to target. 

“What did you say?” 

“Ah, no! Iwa-chan, not the hair,” Oikawa shouted, squirming beneath him. Hajime smirked. _Bingo._

“I can't hear you,” Hajime said. He brought his hand to Oikawa's hair, gently resting his fingers in Oikawa's hair, Not enough to mess it up, but enough for Oikawa to know he'd go through with it. Hajime didn't know he was grinning.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said with a whine. His hands were around Hajime's arm, trying to pry him off. He struggled for a second before giving up. “Ugh, I'm sorry,” he said. Hajime laughed, and pushed him away.

“Good,” he said. He leaned over before Oikawa could get too far and ruffled Oikawa’s hair anyway. Oikawa squawked and his hands went up to his hair immediately, frantically patting it down. 

“I can't believe you, Iwa-chan, you're so—”

“Excuse me, but you both need to leave.” Oikawa and Hajime turned in surprise and found themselves being glared at by an older man wearing an employee vest. The man looked slightly nervous because Oikawa and Hajime both towered over him, but he also looked determined. Hajime gaped at him. 

“But sir—” 

“You're causing a nuisance and you need to leave right now.” The man's lips trembled slightly.

“But—” Hajime tried to speak again, but the man was having none of it. He pointed to the front doors. 

“The exit is over there, please see yourselves out.” Hajime was in shock. His mouth open and he was rooted to the spot, questioning how he had even come to this point, when he felt Oikawa tug at his sleeve. 

“Let's go,” he said in a quiet voice. Hajime spluttered at his easy acquiesce. How could Oikawa accept this injustice so gracefully? As he was pulled past the line and past the cashier, he heard a mutter of _“fucking couples, no shame”._

The injustice of this was so cutting Hajime almost turned around to argue with whoever had said it, but Oikawa tightened his grip on Hajime's sleeve and pulled him away through the exit. Once they were in the parking lot and away from hypocritical, biased shoppers, Oikawa stopped. 

He let go of Hajime's sleeve and shifted from foot to foot. He seemed almost shy.

“I—um—sorry, Iwaizumi-san. It looks like I got carried away.” He looked at Hajime from under his lashes and Hajime didn't even know how he did that since Oikawa was taller than him. Hajime wanted to say say something, but he was rendered silent by the double shock of the still the apparent injustice of his life and Oikawa actually calling him by his real name. Finally, he burst out with:

“I can't believe they just kicked us out! We were nowhere near as bad as those two.” He stared at Oikawa with wide eyes, throwing his hands up in the air. Oikawa started laughing. He was looking at Hajime with crinkled eyes.

“Iwaizumi, you have no idea do you?” 

Hajime looked at Oikawa. “”What?” 

Oikawa shook his head and held his hand out. “Here, give me your phone.” Without even stopping to wonder why, Hajime dug in his pockets and handed his phone to Oikawa. Oikawa tapped away at it quickly and handed it back. Upon looking at the screen, Hajime saw a new contact filed under _Oikawa Tooru~~._

“That’s my number. Since you got me kicked out of a grocery store and I couldn't buy my groceries for this week, you owe me.” 

Now Hajime was even more confused. 

Oikawa laughed again. He leaned in close to Hajime like he was about to tell him a secret. “Your face is actually very cute.” He winked right after and Hajime could have stopped breathing in that moment. “I'll see you around, Iwa-chan!”

**Author's Note:**

> So, what'd'ja think? Drop by to chat on tumblr if you want. My url is montgomery-rain.tumblr.com


End file.
